Family ridicules 21-year-old broke college student daughter for declining overseas wedding invite, force her to take care of their 7 geriatric pets: 'This is not free, it still has expenses that will make your life more difficult'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 17, 2025 10:00 AM EST

When you're short on cash, there are probably a few things that you want to avoid: going out to dinner, going on vacation, and attending weddings. Weddings are famously expensive events, even for the guests. You have to get an outfit that fits their specified dress code, pay for travel to and from the venue (hotels if you're staying overnight), and you have to get a gift for the couple. All this, even if you're just attending the ceremony. If you're in the wedding party, forget about it. You might as well take out a loan. 

So it's understandable that someone in college (not a time when you're usually flush) would want to decline an invite to an overseas wedding. Even though her flights and accommodation were being taken care of, there are still so many expenses that go into that kind of trip. And if you don't have money to spare, then it might be financially ruinous. But does everyone else understand that? Not always. That's the situation this college student found herself in after she declined an invitation to an overseas wedding. 

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  • A college students stands on her balcony using her laptop.
    via Unsplash+ (Lala Azizli)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • She saw it as a smart financial decision, but the rest of her family wasn't quick to understand. They saw her behavior as entitled and ungrateful. So they were left at an impasse. Read on to understand the full story and decide what you would have done in her situation. 

  • Am I in the wrong for not wanting to go on a “free” vacation?

    (Throwaway because I don't use reddit very often) So my(F21) dad(M51) and his girlfriend (F37) have offered my brother(M24) and I, and a family friend(F23) a semi-free trip to a wedding in Africa.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • Meaning hotels, flights, and most meals will be provided by them, however we have to pay for visa and entry costs, wedding attire, as well as anything else we may want/need.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • (It's also important to note that I am a broke college student and work 2 jobs).
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • I am very grateful for the opportunity, however I just don't want to go. I can't afford to pull out of what little savings I have for any costs and It's just not a place i'd like to go visit anytime soon, especially when I'd have to take finals early, if my professors allow it, as well as miss work and be behind on bills.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • It's also during my holiday break and I selfishly want to spend as much break time as just that.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • If I do stay home, I'll be essentially ridiculed for my decision. I'll also have to take care of his girlfriend's 3 geriatric dogs that all need medication plus 2 more dogs and 2 cats, which doesn't sound like much break to me.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • (I've come to the conclusion this is a lose/lose situation) My dad and his girlfriend have already guilt tripped me multiple times to come with because it's a "once in a lifetime opportunity" and I have expressed multiple times I have no interest in attending.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • My dad and I got into a heated argument recently about my reluctance to go and he turned around and called me ungrateful and entitled for not wanting to go on a free vacation.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • So AITA? Update: So it's important to note a few things, apologies for leaving them out.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • My dad is African American, his girlfriend is white and I and mixed. (She is not my bio mom).
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • The wedding is in Nigeria and we were invited through a long time friend of his girlfriend's.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • The wedding is a large ceremony and I'm required to get 2 dresses custom made and tailored for this specific occasion.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • (Around $200 for each dress). The visa is also $160. I currently go to community college, although not some big university it is still an education.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • I am also very fortunate to have a dad that has agreed, through much arguing, to pay for my schooling out of pocket.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • (My whole degree is less than $7000. We all currently live in a house that my dad and his girlfriend paid in cash.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • We "children" pay all the bills. I can totally understand their point of view, the fact that we live in their house "rent free" means I should have to take care of the dogs if I stay.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • Selfishly, I don't want to. I have also been saving mostly to move out.
    via u/Slight-Ingenuity4545
  • A woman reads a book at a cafe.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters came in with their thoughts.

    The Jokers Wild53 NTA - This is not Free, it still has expenses that will make your life more difficult. Just detail the cost to you and let your dad know that you may fail this semester and may lose your apartment because the trip will take up the rest of your savings.
    via u/JokersWild53
  • Ok-Calligrapher1345 Going to Africa is not a once in a lifetime opportunity. You can go anytime you want, it'll still be there.
    via u/Ok-Calligrapher13455
  • agreatlifeawaits NTA. You are a busy, working college student with little savings. It does sound like an amazing opportunity but it is certainly your prerogative to not go. It is also your prerogative to not care for your dad's girlfriend's dogs! SEVEN pets holy cow! Whatever they were going to do with the animals if you went on the trip, have them still do. You have other plans, and finals, work, etc. You are an adult I know it's hard navigating parent/child relationships but you can absolutely
    via u/agreatlifeawaits
  • NTA swillshop You cannot afford the cost to you. It conflicts with your finals schedule. Nor are you obligated to care for the gf's pets. Tell them: 1. They offered you an opportunity and you appreciate the offer. But you decide what is best for you, and declining is best for you. They are no longer offering but harassing you. 2. You staying home does NOT free you up or obligate you to care for the pets. Whatever plans gf would make for thei care if you had gone in the trip remain the plans she
    via u/swillshop
  • Constant_Host_3212 NTA. What is your dad's cultural background or his girlfriend's? Why are they getting married in Africa? If you are worried about savings and working 2 jobs, I'm guessing your father isn't helping to pay for your college. Tell your father it is not possible to make arrangements to complete finals early, so you aren't going, period. Tell them you know they want the best care taken of their 7 pets, and you can not provide the quality of care the pets deserve with your work sched
    via u/Constant_Host_3212
  • PotentialDapper2891 NTA. No to trip and no to the dogs. She can accommodate them whenever she was to going do it if you were going to that trip. The vacation are not free at all and the dogs are not your responsibility. Tell them plain and simple. "No" is a complete sentence.
    via u/PotentialDapper2891
  • Traditional_City_383 It's not free if you have to deplete your savings and get behind on other financial obligations.
    via u/Traditional_City_383
  • Serious-Context9152 Man all I can say is just pretend you have problems with your visa, say your just not able to get the paperwork done blame it on the gov shutdown
    via u/Serious-Context9152
  • sunnyland123 NTA It's sounding like it's their surprise wedding they don't want you to miss.
    via u/sunnyland123
  • Violet351 NTA when I was 18 and it was the summer between end of school and uni my dad came into my room and told me how much my share of the family holiday would be. He didn't pay a penny towards anything uni related so I had to buy all the stuff o would need there with my Saturday money savings and I would lose the pay from working over the summer because I would only get holiday pay for my Saturday hours. I refused because I couldn't afford it and said I couldn't afford to pay that or lose al
    via u/Violet351

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